Masking Pain

She hurt herself so that
she could feel something else other than
her heart breaking. 

She thought any pain
was better than the hole
that was in her chest. 

Separating to halves of her soul.
She didn't want to break anymore. 

So she cut her wrist and yelled in agony,
finally something to mask her pain. 

Ironic isn't it,
while others cut just to feel something
she did it so that she couldn't feel anymore...

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Daddy Issues

Oh how I've waited 

Every night as a little girl
I crawled up in a corner
with my head in my knees
and my heart in my stomach 

I held the phone in my hand for hours
expecting to hear from you 

Oh how I've waited

I've waited by the window
watching every plane fly by

I was young  and naive but watching
fathers and their little girls made me cry

And Every night I thought maybe he's in that one

So I waited by the door 

Falling asleep,

never faltering in my faith 
that you would come to see me 

Oh How I've waited 

I waited for messages:

Emails

                Voicemails

                                 And Letters 

I wanted to tell you that I love you
or maybe I wanted to hear it 

And then one day

I stopped waiting 

I didn't wait near the phone,
I didn't look at airplanes,

I stopped waiting for your letters,

I stopped waiting for you...

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Fixation

I sat down one day to contemplate on your beauty 

I wanted to write a poem about it

to wrap up all the words in one stanza or two 

I wanted it to rhyme and flow off my lips

I wanted to summarize your heart 

In just a couple of word 

Put together in a single verse 

But your beauty is too grand for me to put In writing 

There's no denying 

I'm...

I'm simply Fixated on you 

See if God put angels on this earth

That angel would be you 

Because the only thing that is more beautiful than your face is your heart 

And that's perfect 

See there is no such thing as perfection 

But I'm pretty sure you are the definition of it 

And those things that make you so insecure
are those very things that make you so very perfect 

You're so beautiful and you don't even know it 

 

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Time Travel

I want to look the past me in the eyes and tell her 
to never love anyone more than you love yourself 

But that isn't possible is it, 

I mean it isn't possible to love yourself more than you love another human being right?
 Because when you love you lose pieces of yourself
and you know damn well you'll never get those pieces back. 

And each time your heart breaks
you become half of the half of what you used to be,
 and the cycle continues until there's nothing left
but tiny broken pieces of what you used to mean.
 Until you mean nothing,
until you are just an empty shell of the person you once were.
And just to be sure that your hallowed out
 someone will try to break you again
 but this time you feel nothing
 and you are what you are because
they made you into this husk. 

So I wish I could look at the future me
 in her eyes and tell her to be strong
 and to somehow find a new way to love
 and teach her how to move on. 

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Masterpiece

She is beautiful,
 standing in front of the mirror looking at herself
 dissatisfied with what she sees,
but I see perfection. 

The way her hair flows covering her face self consciously,
she doesn't know how beautiful she is,
but she radiates light through her smile. 

The way her body curves like a winding road to my heart,
 A body that I can hold and squeeze
to bring me down to earth to remind me that I'm alive. 

Her beauty was the kind of beauty
 that is admired not lustfully but like a masterpiece,
As is if she was sculpted.
If her body was a basin Id drink
 from its forbidden fruits just to get closer to her. 

Just to tell her...

You are so beautiful 

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A Dying Love Story

She held him softly in a waltz pose 

and whispered do you remember our first dance?

Flashes of their wedding day appeared in their minds,

 but she remembered their actual first dance

 in the rain he stopped the car to dance with her

 simply because she had requested it.

She then said I wish we can go back there.

Not because he had failed her but 

because she had failed him, 

or maybe somewhere down their life together

 they had failed each other.

Maybe it was to easy, 

maybe they thought that their love could never be moved.

It's that very thought that left the memory of love 

in theirs hearts be stronger than

 the love they should've shared today.

She closed her eyes and clinged to his body,

 the body that had protected,

 loved and cared for her for several years

 hoping that she could fly back to the start,

 she knows what she could've done differently.

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You're Beautiful

Find comfort in knowing that I see you for who you are

The not so obvious beauty

The raw you

Under the:

façade

Mask

And tears

I see your core

Through all the

Fire and storms

And man you are beautiful

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Thoughts

Tell me about the thoughts
that keep you up late at night

Let me be those thoughts that linger in your mind
like the scent of bitter wine

Let me be that last taste on your lips
That you slowly lick
When you can't get enough of it

I want to be that tattoo you get
Impulsively
But please don't regret ever wanting me

I want to be the sun that radiate warmth to your face
The sweet love and tenderness in every embrace

I want to be the words that role off your tongue
The careful whispers
The songs that are sung

I need to be the last thoughts you have before you sleep
I need you to know You are those thoughts for me

I want to be the reason that you wake up for the next day
I want you to love me in every possible way

Tell me
the thoughts that keep you up late at night
and let me be those thoughts

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Worthlessness

Worthlessness

Is what you made me feel
I loved you
And even though you did what you did
 I still love you

I want to hate you
I want to pretend that you don't exist
But my heart has no prejudice
All it can feel is love

I couldn't find the words to say when I discovered your betrayal

I wanted to say
Fuck you!
I wanted to walk away from you
In a last attempt to make you see
That you'd regret loosing me

I wanted to hate you so much
That thought of you would make me sick
That the mention of your name would make the inside of stomach churn
so that every butterfly you ever made me feel would die

But all I could feel
is sadness
Because I love you

I wanted you to feel pain
the same pain you made my heart feel
 when I discovered your infidelity

But all I could do is feel worthlessness

So I wrote it all down
So that you can see
All the pain that you have caused me

I loved you
I still love you

But you made me feel worthless
But I discovered through this pain
The worthless one here
Is you

And I don't wish karma upon your door
But I know that you will never meet a woman that will love you
That will sacrifice her life for you
The way I have
and that
is a promise

Because I love you more than any words could express
More than any other human could express to another soul mate
I love you unconditionally
Yes it is possible because even now
Through it all
I continue to feel nothing but love for you

And what hurts the most is
Your insensitivity
As if an apology is suppose erase
all that you did to me
the words that you said to her
The very same words that made butterflies in my stomach fly around
The words that made me feel alive
Loved
Cared for
Important
The same words you said to me
That made me love you

So I apologize
not to you
But to myself for
Ignoring all the signs in front of me
For looking past the first time you broke my heart.
And most importantly for putting you above myself

I want to forgive you
So that my heart can feel peace
But all I can feel at this point
Is Worthlessness

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Caged Bird

I never knew such beauty

Until I saw her wings

They were spread wide

Like a smile from eye to eye 

A grin

Little did she know she could never fly

She wouldn’t even try 

It was pointless to her because she thought she would fall

See she already lost the battle

Because she didn’t even give it her all

She gave nothing, she got nothing in return

But she stayed

Hoping her dreams 

Of open skies and wind would go away

My heart breaks for the young bird

So eager to live, so eager to sing

Trapped in a cage, like a pet

Every day she would watch other birds for hours on end

She’d put a smile on her face

And sing a song for them

Little did they know it was all pretend

Years and years passed to no relief

Because like a caged bird indoors

She'll never know more than the rusty metal doors

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