Now That You're Gone

If only I knew we had an expiration date
I would have held you longer
I would have savored every kiss
I would have done all the things I surely will miss

I know these words don’t mean much
But I wish that I could have saved you
I mean… I wish I could have saved us
I wish I knew how

People say that things happen for a reason
And I hope that this is true
I hope that there is God up there that has better plans for you

I hope that when you read this that you know
How much I truly loved you
I hope that you know that I gave it all up for you

But now that you’re gone it’s too late
If only I had the power to change our fate

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Masking Pain

She hurt herself so that
she could feel something else other than
her heart breaking. 

She thought any pain
was better than the hole
that was in her chest. 

Separating to halves of her soul.
She didn't want to break anymore. 

So she cut her wrist and yelled in agony,
finally something to mask her pain. 

Ironic isn't it,
while others cut just to feel something
she did it so that she couldn't feel anymore...

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Daddy Issues

Oh how I've waited 

Every night as a little girl
I crawled up in a corner
with my head in my knees
and my heart in my stomach 

I held the phone in my hand for hours
expecting to hear from you 

Oh how I've waited

I've waited by the window
watching every plane fly by

I was young  and naive but watching
fathers and their little girls made me cry

And Every night I thought maybe he's in that one

So I waited by the door 

Falling asleep,

never faltering in my faith 
that you would come to see me 

Oh How I've waited 

I waited for messages:

Emails

                Voicemails

                                 And Letters 

I wanted to tell you that I love you
or maybe I wanted to hear it 

And then one day

I stopped waiting 

I didn't wait near the phone,
I didn't look at airplanes,

I stopped waiting for your letters,

I stopped waiting for you...

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Time Travel

I want to look the past me in the eyes and tell her 
to never love anyone more than you love yourself 

But that isn't possible is it, 

I mean it isn't possible to love yourself more than you love another human being right?
 Because when you love you lose pieces of yourself
and you know damn well you'll never get those pieces back. 

And each time your heart breaks
you become half of the half of what you used to be,
 and the cycle continues until there's nothing left
but tiny broken pieces of what you used to mean.
 Until you mean nothing,
until you are just an empty shell of the person you once were.
And just to be sure that your hallowed out
 someone will try to break you again
 but this time you feel nothing
 and you are what you are because
they made you into this husk. 

So I wish I could look at the future me
 in her eyes and tell her to be strong
 and to somehow find a new way to love
 and teach her how to move on. 

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A Dying Love Story

She held him softly in a waltz pose 

and whispered do you remember our first dance?

Flashes of their wedding day appeared in their minds,

 but she remembered their actual first dance

 in the rain he stopped the car to dance with her

 simply because she had requested it.

She then said I wish we can go back there.

Not because he had failed her but 

because she had failed him, 

or maybe somewhere down their life together

 they had failed each other.

Maybe it was to easy, 

maybe they thought that their love could never be moved.

It's that very thought that left the memory of love 

in theirs hearts be stronger than

 the love they should've shared today.

She closed her eyes and clinged to his body,

 the body that had protected,

 loved and cared for her for several years

 hoping that she could fly back to the start,

 she knows what she could've done differently.

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Worthlessness

Worthlessness

Is what you made me feel
I loved you
And even though you did what you did
 I still love you

I want to hate you
I want to pretend that you don't exist
But my heart has no prejudice
All it can feel is love

I couldn't find the words to say when I discovered your betrayal

I wanted to say
Fuck you!
I wanted to walk away from you
In a last attempt to make you see
That you'd regret loosing me

I wanted to hate you so much
That thought of you would make me sick
That the mention of your name would make the inside of stomach churn
so that every butterfly you ever made me feel would die

But all I could feel
is sadness
Because I love you

I wanted you to feel pain
the same pain you made my heart feel
 when I discovered your infidelity

But all I could do is feel worthlessness

So I wrote it all down
So that you can see
All the pain that you have caused me

I loved you
I still love you

But you made me feel worthless
But I discovered through this pain
The worthless one here
Is you

And I don't wish karma upon your door
But I know that you will never meet a woman that will love you
That will sacrifice her life for you
The way I have
and that
is a promise

Because I love you more than any words could express
More than any other human could express to another soul mate
I love you unconditionally
Yes it is possible because even now
Through it all
I continue to feel nothing but love for you

And what hurts the most is
Your insensitivity
As if an apology is suppose erase
all that you did to me
the words that you said to her
The very same words that made butterflies in my stomach fly around
The words that made me feel alive
Loved
Cared for
Important
The same words you said to me
That made me love you

So I apologize
not to you
But to myself for
Ignoring all the signs in front of me
For looking past the first time you broke my heart.
And most importantly for putting you above myself

I want to forgive you
So that my heart can feel peace
But all I can feel at this point
Is Worthlessness

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