Masking Pain

She hurt herself so that
she could feel something else other than
her heart breaking. 

She thought any pain
was better than the hole
that was in her chest. 

Separating to halves of her soul.
She didn't want to break anymore. 

So she cut her wrist and yelled in agony,
finally something to mask her pain. 

Ironic isn't it,
while others cut just to feel something
she did it so that she couldn't feel anymore...

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Daddy Issues

Oh how I've waited 

Every night as a little girl
I crawled up in a corner
with my head in my knees
and my heart in my stomach 

I held the phone in my hand for hours
expecting to hear from you 

Oh how I've waited

I've waited by the window
watching every plane fly by

I was young  and naive but watching
fathers and their little girls made me cry

And Every night I thought maybe he's in that one

So I waited by the door 

Falling asleep,

never faltering in my faith 
that you would come to see me 

Oh How I've waited 

I waited for messages:

Emails

                Voicemails

                                 And Letters 

I wanted to tell you that I love you
or maybe I wanted to hear it 

And then one day

I stopped waiting 

I didn't wait near the phone,
I didn't look at airplanes,

I stopped waiting for your letters,

I stopped waiting for you...

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Fixation

I sat down one day to contemplate on your beauty 

I wanted to write a poem about it

to wrap up all the words in one stanza or two 

I wanted it to rhyme and flow off my lips

I wanted to summarize your heart 

In just a couple of word 

Put together in a single verse 

But your beauty is too grand for me to put In writing 

There's no denying 

I'm...

I'm simply Fixated on you 

See if God put angels on this earth

That angel would be you 

Because the only thing that is more beautiful than your face is your heart 

And that's perfect 

See there is no such thing as perfection 

But I'm pretty sure you are the definition of it 

And those things that make you so insecure
are those very things that make you so very perfect 

You're so beautiful and you don't even know it 

 

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Time Travel

I want to look the past me in the eyes and tell her 
to never love anyone more than you love yourself 

But that isn't possible is it, 

I mean it isn't possible to love yourself more than you love another human being right?
 Because when you love you lose pieces of yourself
and you know damn well you'll never get those pieces back. 

And each time your heart breaks
you become half of the half of what you used to be,
 and the cycle continues until there's nothing left
but tiny broken pieces of what you used to mean.
 Until you mean nothing,
until you are just an empty shell of the person you once were.
And just to be sure that your hallowed out
 someone will try to break you again
 but this time you feel nothing
 and you are what you are because
they made you into this husk. 

So I wish I could look at the future me
 in her eyes and tell her to be strong
 and to somehow find a new way to love
 and teach her how to move on. 

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Masterpiece

She is beautiful,
 standing in front of the mirror looking at herself
 dissatisfied with what she sees,
but I see perfection. 

The way her hair flows covering her face self consciously,
she doesn't know how beautiful she is,
but she radiates light through her smile. 

The way her body curves like a winding road to my heart,
 A body that I can hold and squeeze
to bring me down to earth to remind me that I'm alive. 

Her beauty was the kind of beauty
 that is admired not lustfully but like a masterpiece,
As is if she was sculpted.
If her body was a basin Id drink
 from its forbidden fruits just to get closer to her. 

Just to tell her...

You are so beautiful 

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